[A critical carol : Being an essay on anemia, suffocation, starvation, and other forms of intensive care, after the manner of Dickens].

Somewhere in the USA, shortly before Christmas, tipsy Charlie Cratchit intends to cross a street but is hit by an oncoming city bus und suffers severe trauma: serial rib fracture, femoral fracture, fibula fracture, splenic, pancreatic and bowel ruptures. He is operated on in a maximum care hospital and then transferred to the critical care unit. From then on, an anonymous, very experienced physician continuously takes care of him. Four nights before Christmas, the ghost of the famous British physiologist Ernest Henry Starling appears at the patient's bed. The ghost involves the anonymous physician in a dialogue and is very interested in the inserted Swan-Ganz catheter, then he disappears. He repeats his visits the next 3 nights. On the first occasion he is displeased with Cratchit's low haematocrit, the second time he dislikes the mechanical ventilator settings, and on his final visit he is concerned with Cratchit's clinical nutrition. At first, the anonymous physician is indignant with the ghost's criticism and indoctrinations, but then recognizes that ultimately they are the key to Cratchit's convalescence and acts accordingly. Successfully! Following the ghost's proposals, he changes the ventilator settings, transfuses 3 units of packed red blood cells, and starts clinical nutrition. Shortly thereafter, Cratchit's trachea is extubated, and on New Year's Day he is ready to be discharged from the critical care unit. In this essay, Robert Bartlett transposed Charles Dickens' "Christmas Carol" into the world of critical care. Its intention is to encourage the intensivist to scrutinize common therapeutic measures, such as mechanical ventilation, haemodynamic interventions and transfusion of blood products. Background information and comments on the addressed problems of modern intensive care are provided subsequent to the essay.